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Barcelona Plates (2000) – Alexei Sayle
To fully appreciate this collection of short stories, one must, I think, be familiar with the author Alexei Sayle’s stand-up or television sketch comedy work. His prose very much mirrors his angry, ranting, incredulous Liverpudlian persona. Not that I want to put off the uninitiated, because I’m sure that they will be able to find plenty of enjoyment within these stories. But the punch-lines and expletives are far more effective when shouted in the voice of an overweight Scouser.
The collection gets off to an inauspicious start with two stories that read like they were written with only their punch-lines in mind. Barcelona Plates, a tale about a holidaymaking Brit who causes a infamous car accident, is the slightly more interesting of the two stories, but in terms of the aforementioned punch-lines, the second story, My Life’s Work, a story about a television writer’s stuttering career, has the funnier denouement. In fact, the last two lines of My Life’s Work are actually trouser-soilingly funny.
The cracking Back in Ten Minutes provides a notable improvement. Filled with insights into call centres, provincial England, middle-aged masturbatory habits, and ice acrobatics; it also contains something that was missing from the first two stories, a well-drawn and recognisable character.
The Minister For Death, in which a 72 year-old Liverpudlian discovers the joys of killing and becomes a hit-man for the Chechen Mafia, is ridiculous and funny and constantly surprising; it mixes social and political comment with outlandish humour.
A hypochondriac ne’er-do-well becomes a successful journalist by writing about a serious medical condition that he doesn’t have in You’re Only Middle Aged Once. Unsurprisingly this story ends on an ironic note, but surprisingly, not the one that you might expect. A satirically funny highlight.
Nic and Tob is another punch-line in search of a story, but is followed by the exceptional Big-Headed Cartoon Animal. Pete, a former left-wing radical, is persuaded to visit the USA by his other half, Pru, and his diminishing moral convictions. The story is hilariously absurd, but it also manages to paint a lovingly detailed picture of an ageing leftie.
Locked Out is instantly forgettable, and My Shrinking Circle of Acquaintances is perhaps, a little too wilfully quirky. The Bad Samaritan and The Good Samaritan are a little bit lightweight, but the former does have a funny denouement.
The deliciously wicked Lose Weight, Ask Me How, takes the form of one side of a conversation, that involves murder, cannibalism, Dickens and big business; and is both inventively surprising and blackly funny.
The penultimate story, This Stupid Smile, revolves around unpleasant people doing unpleasant things, and has very little of redeeming value. The final story, the most acclaimed of the 14, The Last Woman Killed in the War, is one of the better stories, but it’s also one of the most disappointing. The tale is of a 16 year-old white girl impregnated by a black man, who when forced to give up the baby, becomes a nun and is sent to Papua New Guinea for 37 years. The story is far too rich with ideas and potential to be restricted to the 15 pages that Sayle allots to it here. Ultimately, it is not as satisfying as it should be.
Although patchy, this collection has enough ideas, observations, surprises and laughs to tickle the fancy of most readers. A highly recommended collection.
About the Author
Iain Stott is a 32 year old aesthete from the north west of England.
Help choosing names for twins, please?
Okay, so I need names for a twin boy and girl. *wipes sweat off brow*
Siblings’ names:
Alice Moirrey Allegra Lee
Jonny Baines Bastien Roderrick
Potential names for new babies:
The Boy:
Wyatt Gunnar Niven Ramsey
Kieran James Avery Lucien
Blane Edgar Seamus Henry Maddox
Lorcan Andris Iain Blair
The Girl:
Helena Lilith Marley Anne
Ingrid Maria Rosalind Arden
Karoline Beatrix Linnea Reilly
Camden Johanna Reagan Blodeuedd Eris
Also, if you have a suggestion for a middle name other than *Ramsey*, please let me know. Thanks so much for your input.
-Elinor
I apologize in advance for what I am about to say:
Why the hell do your kids have a million names?? What is the point of that? No wonder you have so much trouble picking names for your children, you try to cram 53 names into one child. Poor kids. Four names before the surname is just mean. That said….
Kieran James and Karoline Beatrix are the only two names I think fit with your other children. Going too “trendy” is not a good idea, since your older children have simple, classic names.
Another great place to shop for Baby Name Iain products is Amazon. They have more than just books!
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The Book of Scottish Names $1.42 The history of Scotland is full of heroes and kings whose legends resonate throughout the ages. “The Book of Scottish Names” celebrates the country’s Celtic, Viking, and French infuences, listing names–from the well-known Malcolm, Kirstie, and Heather to the more unusual Torquil, Mariota, and Eilidh. It explains their derivations, pronunciations, and meanings, and recounts the legends associated … |
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The Book of Irish Names $0.24 The Celtic tradition has given us some of our most beautiful and evocative names. “The Book of Irish Names” lists the popular names for both boys and girls, giving their derivations, pronunciations, meanings, and the legends associated with their historical and mythical namesakes. Comprehensive calendars of Irish saints’ feast days also allow a baby’s birth to be matched to the saint of the day. … |
